my life has been very bad...dunnoe since when...but I feel so fed up.stressed.sad....I cant describe my feelings anymore...n I chose not to go to school today...first thing in the morning....I was so tired n I thought that I want to sleep some more n I think going to school also got nothing to do.....I mena I got band today but....there is sumthing that make me think that band is not fun at all....not a fun thing to go for....but why I chose band in the first place....thats the qn tt I must ask myself...I got a lot of reasons for joining band but there are a lot of reasons for me to hate band....I joined band bcoz...maybe I can learn music n sports CCA are tiring...if I joined library or those kind of stuffs.....I thought it will be boring...my first choice was band,second->angklung and third is dance....I like to dance....but I dun see any potential...n im fat too...haha...I almost quit band when I was sec2....but I dun dare to face the teacher...the teacher would scold me like a tiger.....Im scared....I hate teachers scolding me....yeah...so I din quit...by the time I am sec3....I also try to quit band....the first term....I dun go for practises....then the teacher asked me wads the reason then I said I want to quit band...thats the most thing I wanna do...but he said I cant....noone can quit a CCA....err??there is sumthing wrong wif tt statement huh???I thought everyone CAN quit a CCA...my friends can...why I cant????shit...!!!I just dun understand....so here I am still stuck in the middle of the school having band as my CCA.okay now let me tell you why I hate band.....none of my classmates is there....my SL doesnt really do her works...im no good....I cant read notes.....im lousy...den i feel bad...I cant teach my junior properly...she din get wad shes suppose to get from a senior...a good senior.not a bad senior like me....I am bad means I did nothing....I got do sumthing but she doesnt want to listen to wad I said.....so there are a lot of reasons why I hate band n why I shld just get lost from band...i am still happy if I get kicked out by band....at least im not there anymore...but I remember next year syf if i dun go for it...I will lose my CCA points....n im thinking of going to polytechnic....if I got the money....I was thinking of end my life as a secondary girl n go to raffles design....but it is expensive....I dun have enuf money to go to tt school....so the idea of ending my life as a secondary student is out....totally out....I hate it man!!!I mean my classmates are good to me..I love them a lot....but there are more things that I hate being in that school...the girl school....yeah...I want to cry...but y i cant????i want this feeling to just go away.....just fly away....it feels like its threatening me....actually I got a lot of problems tt I want to say ...but I cant...I want to go back to indo as fast as i can ..i miss my mom...a lot...my parents,my family,my frens...but i'll be going back late...bcoz of band...again....n i feel like ppl will hate me for tis coz i wont be arnd so i cant practise n if i dun practise i won be good....n i will leave my junior alone...suck....ppl will hate me or dislike me for going back indo???no way....so childish.....band it is not MY priority....it's the last one in my life....first if my family...second is my life...my life in sg...all the things that i need to do by myself...third is education....4th is fun....den there will be many many more....but band is not and NOT my priority....sorry to say that...i noe i need to be stuck in the band room until the SYF ends....that will be like 7 months more....I dunno...but its sickening....when I enter the band room...i dun feel welcome...i mean ppl welcome me....but i have no interest anymore in band....i'll be sucking to hell....pliz..help me with my bad days....I hope I can get a better life....I hope i can cry now.....I hope tose bad feelings will just be gone......I really want to cry...coz the bad feelings just keep sticking in my heart.....yeah I m sick....sick...really sick...tts why I cant go to school today....hiks....

black &&
PURPLE (:
8:09 PM