all about purple

problemaaaaaaa

2008-09-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

lots of problem:
-im fat(please everyone! dun try to make me happy by saying 'Shirley, you r not fat'.coz it doesnt help. it makes me feel even worse.coz i noe im overweight. it is even stated in my report book)
-im broke,I have little money even though i worked my ass out.
-im lazy
-i have ugly hair...hahaha...i know.it sucks everyday...

im trying to lose weight n trying to lose 17 kg and please everyone dun say that 17 kg its too much coz my height is only 150cm and by losing 17kg i will only be 40 kg.which is still a normal weight for a 150cm girl.but the hardest thing about diet is (everyone should noe this) temptation of nice foods->junk foods,ice cream,sweets,chocolates and everything that make you and me fat is nice.how can i avoid them??saying 'diet is easy' is so easy.thinking of it is easy.i was just thinking 'hmm,,,detox diet is not that bad,drinking juice and eating fruits only is not that bad.I can survive that'.but doing it is soooo hard...its like everywhere i go there is temptation and there are devils.if im bored i will think of food.i think if i want to do a detox diet for 3 days...i have to stay at home for 3 days and watch movies the whole day and just drink juices and eat fruits??i dun even noe if it works...haha.SHIT!!!how can i achieve 40kg weight??some people say...dun think abt it too much...ok i'll try...maybe by doing that i won't have to stress out and when im not stress i wont think of food..heheh...

actually i have 2 exams tmr...statistic and communication.i think i can handle it...they r not that hard..hahah...ok..i think i should go off now...better wake up earlier...heheh...

purple..

2008-04-21T06:38:00.000-07:00

okay..my life now is abt problems,solving it,finding solution,studying,doing assignments,going crazy over korean BANDS,looking for a 'perfect' guy to be a friend, n lots more.that is my life in perth now...too much prblems to be handled.n when i thought the problem is going to be solved it is getting harder still...its like does not want to be solved...there are lots of things to be talked about here..but i totally forgot...i mean there is not any urgent thing i want to talk about...there are but can i say it here??

i really does not like my current homestay...the guradian is so stingy.she does not let us do this or that.sometimes offer us bread that are not to be eaten,i mean expired.the boring meal is chicken....i will become chicken some day...she differentiate me from other students....i pay more than the other students.there are many occasion when she makes me feel bad.i cant list them down....its too much...i will be typing it until morning...i do not like her...she like to say that she already treat us as her daughter...if i am her daughter i do not have to pay to stay in her hse...if i am her daughter why she gave me expired bread.if i am her daughter she will not treat me like tt...i am SOOO LUCKY bcoz IM NOT HER DAUGHTER...i even pity her children....they are pitiful...if i take a bath too long she will say don't take a bath too long the water is very expensive...hello...i took a bath once aday...ok please dun feel disgusted when u hear this..but its cold here...when i want to borrow the house phone she keeps saying that her daughter is using it....i hate it until i do not want to borrow the phone anymore...n she even ask me to pay whenever i make a call using the hse phone...hello...its only a few dollars...when i want to fry an egg she will tell me do not use too much oil..n bla bla bla.....why do i pay her 200 a week then??if i cant get anything...when i want to use the microwave she will say i just cook the food dun need to heat up the food anymore...or the microwave is not good for ur health...heellooo...why do u have a microwave den??if i take the hot water from the flask she will say do not take it it is for the baby...baby ur shit....ur family use that water too....she once accused me of taking water that i supposed to be drink by the family member only...sorry i dun take whats not mine....if she say i cant take it from there..i wont take it...n she makes lots of kind of excuses..the water is for the baby....ok..all her excuses are all about baby...yeah use that baby in all ur excuses...im so bored...and actually this list continues on....one important thing is she told to other students staying in her hse about me...like behind my back...in chinese...ok..even though i dunno the meaning but i roughly know she is talking about me...hello...n she is not talking the truth...she is a liar...skinny lifeless liar.....i cant say she is a big fat liar..she is skinny...n old...tts why its lifeless...why is there such person in this world...too evil...too wicked.... i cant even say it...ok i think im done with this problem...

my stupid laptop loses its own recovery manager...so now i cant use my computer at its best function...i cnat use the webcam...it is processing so slow....n its so hard to get help in perth....i have to call n den bla bla bla..i d not have lots of free time...why cant just they tell me where it is located...why must it be so complicated....????now i have to wait till i go back indo n bring it to a service center in indo...the HP service center not any stupid center who install fake windows vista...

trying to find a job??but where??i cant find one..i have applied at two places n they have not given me any answers....i think i have to be more brave n apply at more places....i can do this....

i guess its time for me to off my comp.i have to rest.n somehow not to think abt the problemsss...

pusing.pening.sakit hati.kesel.marah.

2007-12-12T05:26:00.000-08:00

g neh lagi sebel banget!hidup g kok belakangan ini susah banget yah??napa seh??udah ada satu problem trus tambah lagi??blon beresin yg satu eh yg satu dateng lagi,berat lagi!emank yg satu ini gk menyangkut hidup g.tapi menyangkut nyokab n berarti nyangkut keluarga g....g jadi gk merasa yakin bonyok bsa biayain gw di sg lagi...no money bro!!coba aja ada hujan uang....aduh!!!!dari mana uang buat skul g di sg???buat g tgl disana...kan mahal banget!!!g pengen make sure ma nyokab kalo dy tuh udah bener udah ada uang buat g skul.di samping itu dy mesti ada uang buat bayar utangs...kalo gk kebayar gmn g mau skul dgn tenang...emank seh biasanya g tuh gk kepikiran kalo udah disana gmn susahnya nyokab n bokap disini....stress!!!

g pengen banget kurus tapi motivasi kurang..napa yah??apa gk ada temen yg bsa diajak kurus jg??yg bsa motivasiin jg....apa g coba bikin jadwal yah??g mesti ikutin tuh jadwal yg gw buat!!mesti200x.....aduh g tuh mau banget tuh kayak cwe2 korea itu...kurus tinggi...tapi bsa gk yah??tinggi sampe 170an seh yah gk mungkin lah yah...berat g aja tuh yg diturunin....ahhh!!!g pengen banget!!ok g akan berusaha...

semoga stress ini bsa ilang...dan semua masalah bsa terselesaikan.....!!

KOREA

2007-10-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

arghh!!Im crazy over korea!!Their boy bands are so cute....and young...the quite new boy bands are BIG BANG(not really a band,they all sing) and FT Island.they are young.less than 20 years old.there is one of them who is the same age as mine from FT Island....they are SO CUTE!!!arghh!!...I hope I can go KOREA...hmm...study there??seoul university...haha....but must learn korean first...haha...n the living expenses are expensive.sobs.

Olevel is just next week and Im quite nervous now...im really eager to go back indo and have a rest.I am really eager to finish my olevel fast.there a lot of fun things when my olevel is done.party!!graduation day,shopping,section outing and lots more.I just have to study hard for my Olevel den....oh!!FASTER!!!1 more month...n it's done..haha....im buying a laptop soon...hehe....hp brand i think.wheee!!!hmm....I hope i can get A1 for both my maths.pass my english.I need to work hard on my sciences and humans.I really want to get at least A2 for my chem.I hope thats possible.I also want to get at least B3 for my physics and A2 for geog.Im really counting on these subjects.I do not really care for my lit and SS.I can't score...hehe....

FIGHTING!!!I CAN DO IT!!!it's only Olevel dun be scared.

confused:architecture or business??

L’heure entre chien et loup (cont'd)

2007-09-14T03:11:00.000-07:00

I have watched finished the drama...it was so touching and meaningful.some people said that the ending is not nice...but I think the ending is nice and not horrible.it is the best drama that I have ever watched this year....I love Lee Jun Ki...he is so good in acting...he looks so cool.at last I finished the whole 16 episodes.luv luv.....

got back some of the prelim papers today...amaths got A2.hmm...okay...bcoz I never really study for it.I never practise really hard...malay got B4.ARGHHH!! it is worse than my O's...should I retake?but even if I dunno want to retake,will the teacher allow me?bcoz I have told her tt I want to retake.I think I really need to work hard for my O's...but I feel so lazy and dun want to study...it feels so boring looking at the same thing again and again....

L’heure entre chien et loup

2007-09-11T00:11:00.001-07:00

the title means 'time of dogs and wolves'.this phrase is used as a title of a korean drama.I know it sounds weird.'time of dogs and wolves'?what the heck does that mean?is there any meaning to that phrase??YES.there is.

it is seen when dusk becomes night as the sun slowly wanes between the mountain ridges. This is the time when day and night exist together.This is the time when objects become dim to sight, and from far away, the lingering approach of a silhouette can be seen. Friend or foe. Or someone who protects me. Or just a dangerous wolf…This is the moment when both the righteous and errant paths all become crimson.This is the time when friend or foe are indistinguishable....

I have watched 14 episodes out of 16 episodes of this drama...it was very interesting and the drama portrays the meaning of the title,'L’heure entre chien et loup' .the story is about defiance,surrender,love and friendships.

Storyline
After his mother gets brutally killed by the Thai criminal syndicate, Cheongbang, Suhyeon (Lee Junki) gets adopted into NIS agent Jungho’s family. Together with Mingi (Jung Kyungho), Jungho’s son, Suhyeon becomes an NIS agent. Suhyeon had met Jiwu (Nam Sangmi) when they were younger and later has another fateful encounter with her. Together they make promises for the future. However, one day, Suhyeon leaves for an operation dealing with the Cheongbang, only to return in failure because of the resurfacing of terrible memories when he was in Thailand previously. The chief of NIS agents, Jeong, proposes to the distraught Suhyeon to infilitrate the Cheongbang. So, through Chief Jeong’s proposition, Suhyeon becomes an undercover NIS agent. Thoroughly hiding his past, Suhyeon infiltrates the Cheongbang with revenge on his mind. Under the pseudo-name of Kay, he passes through the backstreets of Bangkok…

I really like this drama.It really shows the skills and talents of the actors and actresses.When I watched it, I could link the meaning of the title to the drama itself.It has some sad scenes and I really love the action part.I really recommend this korean drama to you all.This drama is mostly action and has some gun scenes.If you want to watch this,go to this website http://www.mysoju.com/time-between-dog-and-wolf/ .till now,it has only 15 episodes uploaded with english subs. ENJOY!!(gonna watch the 15th episodes tmr,YEAY!!)

UNFAIR

2007-09-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

its unfair...arghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I wanna kill them all....they sucks to the core....I hate them....they are like my shits....
can They just go and die.....hate them.....cry...................

regret....

2007-08-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

Do i really regret what I have done??maybe....coz i moved for a better me....a happier me....but instead i am feeling sad...no one to turn to.there are people whom I can share my feelings with...but I dun noe why I cant share my feelings with them....yes they are not Indonesians but they are human who can listen and give comments....but I feel uneasy....I feel that i am not close to them.....I cannot open my heart to them......if I have stayed,maybe,at least I have people to turn to...to share my feelings with....someone to gossip with....i noe I can do that with my friends from my floor...but....I feel uneasy.....i really dunno what to do....want to move somewhere....move back??but there is no vacancy....n its weird...I go back there suddenly...and it shows that there is no point for me moving here last year.....what am I suppose to do???arghh.......I cannot study at home...I dunno why...that's really a big problem I have.....please God....help me!!!!I need your help...I need your light!!!

poor girl

2007-08-20T05:41:00.000-07:00

how can I save??how can I find??how can I ....??I want a happy life..I want to buy this and that...but...I have restriction...I need to go to school...so I can learn something for my future life...so i can get a better job...better paying job (esp).arghhh....I cant study at home...home is a distraction...computers tv and bed.I want you to realize that you have a big task to do...provide us with the best education...don't act carelessly....I dun want her to worry so much...I want you to realize that this world is evil.you cannot anyhow believe people...some people are not born to be trusted....when u make choice,please think of us....we need you now....I hope,we can return u in the future when we have become successful people...we will give you the necessities....we will not forget ur hard work...I want you to realize that you are very important to us....you are the pillar...we need you to be a strong pillar....we need you to make decision correctly....please!!!!!if u r not doing well....I am not feeling well too...I cannot study in peace...I will keep thinking of you....she also worry abt u....she is scared that everything will be gone if u do something without consideration...it will affect most of us....I will not have the happy life that I wanted for so long....I want to end my secondary life...FASTER!!!!I cannot take it....it is pushing me...stoping me to continue......I WANT TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE..!!!!!!!!!please!!!!

cliff

2007-08-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

is there any cliff in SIngapore?if there is...I want to try to jump ff from there...hehe...im stressed and depressed.why I cannot concentrate when im studying at home??...I always play computer.arghh...im so sad...im short,fat, and ugly...im so sad......i want to go back..imbeing random here..i know..aha....hehe...im getting crazy....im in love with him...ehe....he is s charming.wish that he is my dad??arghh..he looks so manly...arghh...drooooolll!!!why my life is like this??why i am not born pretty?fine...its in the genes...sick of science....radioactive??gamma rays??arghh,,,,,breaking the brain....I really need a cliff....hehrs....life is so depressing....i wanna be a better person....please help me!!!!

brothers

2007-08-13T06:02:00.000-07:00

hmm..at last my brother feel the same way as i did.maybe not so pathetic like me.he was sent to Jakarta to study in International school there and live with my auntie.he goes to school with my cousin and other friends.okay..the similar thing is both of us live far away from parents.but my mother does not need to spend so much money to visit him.so she can go there anytime she wants.but how about Sg?further and more expensive.sad rite?this 17th august my parents are going to celebrate my bro's birthday in Jakarta.so good!!sobs.okay...I will go back soon.after my Olevel and graduation,I will rush back to Indonesia.

exams are coming!!!but I do not feel the urgency...why???I dunno!!I dunno why this year I feel so slacky and lazy.arghh!!do i have to change room?coz whenever I enter my room.there is this invisible force that pushes me away from the room.and after a few seconds I studying a subject,I started to get bored and sleepy!!why??wads happening to me???arghh......

dieting....I am trying to lose weight!!but it never succeed...I am so sad.maybe i am not consistent enough...should try harder!!I want to look presentable on my graduation day.I want to look sweet??haiz...help me people!!!

gtg now...sleepy....

*******

2007-07-22T07:12:00.000-07:00

g nyesel banget.....nyesel.????iya...tapi g gk bisa melakukan apa2....g gk punya kekuatan untuk menggantikan apa apa.....g cuamn bisa kekuatan untuk MOVE ON....tts all...coba mama disini.mungkin dia bisa bujuk g untuk belajar...coba dia disini....g bisa terjaga...g bakal tumbuh jadi anak yg penuh kasih sayang dari nyokab....bokap??gk tau lah....sering pergi...pulang pergi lampung...kdg kdg g takut..kalo keluarga g ancur tanap my consent...takut......adek g si julio dah ke jkt buat bljr...tinggal adek g yg kecil yg ada sakit...g bener bener kasian.....g tau maam mau the best for her children....but we are all far apart.....g takut julio bakal gk ke control.....I hope everything will be okay.....I must work hard...since prelim is coming...I should have been studying..but I was not...and I am not...studying...i am so scared....I noe it's weird...im scared den i should be studying rite???but im not....its so sickening to be this way.....i noe.....really....deep down in my heart i want to study....but i cant...no mood no motivation....no pressure to push me to study.....gtg.....

troubled

2007-07-21T05:59:00.000-07:00

I hate myself......I hate myself for being so lazy.....I hate myself for being shy....I hate myself for being irritating to other people....I hate myself for being so stupid in everything that i do....what am i suppose to do with this life???I know tt i must walk on...and continue my life...it's so hard....i want to cry....i want to scream..... i want to hurt myself...but i dun have the guts to hurt myself...i feel sad....i really need you...how many times must i say this???I need you!!!I know that u do not know that i am saying this....you jus know that your dearest little girl is struggling with her works...but she does not know that i am sad emotionally.sick of this life....lonely....

I know that u do not like me....say it!!dun hide it...i know you do...i know that im being selfish...you hurt me....I do not like you,really!!BEGONE!! do not ever show urself in front of me...you are just hurting me!!!

sick of this life??yes....super....I MADE THE WRONG CHOICE.....you know that...but i did not know that....i was so stupid....I AM STUPID....how can u not remind me of that....me being the stupid girl.....

kapan g bisa hidup senang??mungkin hidup ini belum untuk g kali yah....bukan saatnya g merasakan kesenangan ....saat saatnya g merasa kesepian dan kesedihan...

cheer up.....thanx Aulydia......thanx for lending me your ear.....thanx alot....

Do you know?

2007-07-17T05:51:00.000-07:00

'Do you know' by enrique. Do you know?do you know?do you know?
I feel like jumping off the cliff,feel like killing myself,feel like hurting myself,feel like slapping myself
Do you know why?do you know why?do you know why?
I am not prepared for my exams,I am not liking what I am doing,I do not have the motivation to get what i want,I am not discipline enough,I am lazy,I am forgetful,I hate how i look like,I hate using my eyes,I hate to be the last one,I hate to be ugly
What can i do?what can i do?Can someone help me?Can you?Can she?What am I now?
what am I now?I am not in the 'solid' state.I am not neither the 'liquid' state not the 'gas' state.I am breaking down.no motivation.no real life.I hate you,her,him,them and me.I have no strength to carry on.I need YOUR help.I want YOU now.I want YOU to be by my side.I NEED you to push me so I can achieve what I WANT....life is revolving.time is passing by.people are changing.BUT I am stuck in this state.The state of breaking down.I am changing but not for the better,for the worse.I hope there is MIRACLE.MIRACLE PLEASE COME TO ME!!!

searching for MIRACLE!!!

ARCHITECT

2007-04-23T03:33:00.000-07:00

hehe..he is so handsome...no doubt about it...sure he is!!!hehe..day by day..my lust for him grows....hehe...he is just so cute and handsome and charming...arghh..cant describe him with words...hehe....next i want to talk about my aspiration...i want to be an architect...most people noe about it..but wadeva...after sec school..im going to poly to study my architecture....my diploma...i hope i can further my study in Japan..hehe...i dunno why i want to go there....but i never think of going to america or europe continent....ASIA IS THE BEST!!!so now i'll study hard..hehe...next week is SA1...i noe i shld be studying now..but since i have not been blogging...this time i am going to blog for a while...hehe...just want to pour all my feelings....hehs....body still aching....i gain weight when my mom came here...eat a lot of foods...hehe...troubled now...i scared i cant study for my exams..i mena i scared i cant do well in my exams...a lot of things to memorise...im so nervous....okay..tts all for today.....gtg...muackss....junki forever...love him so much....

LIFE SUCKS CURRENTLY

2007-04-07T05:50:00.000-07:00

my life is all about TRYING TO HAVE FUN...so it means..im too stressed....everyday go home very late...when reached home no mood to study....den always try to play comp and sleep...get myself excused by myself not to do the hw...tired->sleep....so these days i never do my maths hw...never listen to teacher in class....how am i going to score for SA1??SA1 is coming n i should be studying from now...since the chapters to be studied are a lot..lot lot lot...cant imagine it...n until now im still excusing myself that i need some rest n tired....i got lots of things to settle...i got SYF...this monday...lucky and im happy...i got geography project...errr....i got headache with this one...i dunno what to do...how lucky i am to be chosen to do this project...YEAH VERY LUCKY *sarcastic*....i dun want to do this....i dunno why i always have no mood to study.....maybe becoz everday i see people play computer instead of studying tts why they make me lazy too....hehs...what should i do...i want my mom to be here....she will push me to study n will cook me healthy food...but she is not here...even if she is here..it wont be for a very long period....i am sad...last time i always find her irritating when she pushed me to study..but now i think thats very useful in this kind of situation....SA1 .....o level also....i dun wnat to spend a lot of time on having fun..but everytime i always want to have fun....and i dunno how to stop the feeling....the feeling of always having fun....i need to stop this.....maybe tts all for today i need to check all my homeworks...haiz..i rmb i also spend a lot of money...i am broke..hiks...sobs sobs....mommy faster come here.i miss you....i want you.....

crying...deep inside my heart!!!

2007-03-31T06:52:00.000-07:00

i noe....i may look strong..i try to be strong....last time i easily broke down whenever i feel lonely or stressed....but now it seems like i become someone who doesnt care anything...i mean sumtimes i care but it just doesnt affect me much....i can't be bothered...sumthing like that!!haiz...sleepy now...did some puzzle after band until now....still got a lot of homewrok that i cant do...i mean i am trying to find some rest after band practices...but there a lot of things to settle....project n homeworks...i already owe my maths teacher a lot....my tuition teacher reminded me that i havent handed up my comp for so many weeks...and until now i havent done any of them.....i noe that i muz realize that now...i need to study hard...super hard...practice hard....O level is coming...there's no fun left...but im still looking for it whenever i feel that i study too much..which i havent done yet...i just feel that everyday i have band...maths homework....so i have the previlige to do what i want...i want to have some fun....not just maths physics...geog or band.....i think iam acting very childish now...but what!!!everyone needs to have fun.....or else he or she is not enjoying their life FULLY!!hmmm...should go off now...going to jog around the condo later....mayb or maybe not...depends on my roomate...hehs...ok..tts all for today i think....i want you to be with me....i noe i can be a better person!!like what u want me to be!!

stomach ache

2007-03-29T03:37:00.000-07:00

hehe..today i went to do my 1.8km run...wow..super tiring...can't imagine if i do 2.4 km .....after that i got a really bad stomach ache...i felt like i had just taken my shower n want to faint..haha....school was okay today.....rehearsal for theresian awards day....den go tiong...eat dinner..bought a very expensive waffel...$2.50 for one small waffel...nvm....once in a life time..next time!!!not going to buy ANYMORE...haha....hmm..got headache now...dunno why??SYF is coming....feel very excited and scared.....hehs....after SYF i can concentrate more on my study,geog project and my weight..hahha....can go run in the gym...haha...i hope if there is little homework....hmm..i must start studying earlier....shld start now but still got lots of things that is not done yet....haha...SHIRLEY YOU MUST START PREPARING START REVISING UR GEO CHEM PHYSICS MATHS>>>>ALL OF THEM.....haha....changed new blogskin...still lee jun ki coz I LOVE HIM LOTZZZ.....so yeah..juz change the colour...blue..nice man!!haha.....ok tts all for today i think..cant update regularly....no time...always feel tired when reach home....

STRESS

2007-03-16T05:56:00.000-07:00

okay...i know that my blog is going to die...but whatever it is...i do not really have time to blog...haha...lazy!!okay...it is some how the last day of holiday it is friday now and i havent finish any of my homework....how crazy i am....i have 7 homeworks to finish including my tuition one...i have geography project!!i wish i am not included in this project!!hahaha...okay...my happy time were on saturday and sunday...coz i saw nathan hartono LIVE!!!haha...i think his voice very nice...i like his facial expression...very cute!!i also took a picture with him!!so cool!!haha...he is so tall...i look very small compared to him!!haha...at last i got my internet back too...i have band for 2 days....so tired lah...but today was not so tiring as the first half day i went for the boring CMC training....haha...i have just done my compre tuition hw...at least i have done this one......phewww.....hmmm i still got a long way to go....i need a haircut and i need to buy school shoes....OMG....how can i do this in two days only....okay...im gonna stay until very late tonight..i hope...going spize later at night...haha...need some refreshments...prata!!!hehe....ok....gtg....need to think what hw shld i do next..hahaha!!!...:):0...nathan!!!cute cute

BIRTHDAY GIRL

2007-02-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

hehe...i enjoy my birthday a lot....on the day itself was not really fun as it was a school day...people got wish me happy birthday n i got cute presents...hehe....n i have my mock exam ...so hard....so the day went well....but today is the most coo and sweet day,....i went to holland village in the noon to eat swensens...hehe finally i ate the fish sambal...it is nice n delicious....super..den we got the ice cream earthquake....wow...so cute ....got the dry ice n look like volcano...haha....den after that wanted to go bugis but den change my mind to go to IMM instead since i seldom go there n i juz went to bugis last week...hehehe...sorry val n joce and jorain....so went to IMM with yijing dolly and ci zhen...we went to aries a accesories shop...the earring are super nice...they are mainly made in korea...so cool...n cute....den walk around...saw a lot of amazing things and stuffs n asked yijing n dolly to bring me there next time....hahaha...such a nice place to go to...but very far...jurong u noe!!!!after that i went to plaza singapura to meet mel and geok ying but when i reached there i saw only mel janet n sheila...where are kathlyn and geok ying???den they said they r not going coz coz sum important stuffs....so sad....SOBS...den janet gave me a fake flower ...so cute...haha....den we went down to eat pizza hut n few minutes later suddenly got two ppl cuming in and they were geok ying and kathlyn...OMG!!!they are LIAR!!so they actually come....hehs...so we eat pizza and kath gave me brithday present...it was from all of them ...janet mel sheila kathlyn and geok ying....the present are so cute...gahahaha....so after we eat we went up to take neoprints but unluckily the neoprint machine was spoiled so sheila and i went to play DDR...haha....we failed for the second songs...so sad...after that we went cine n took neoprints...TWICE...hahaha...after that i went to a shop and saw lee jun ki picture and beside it got an earrings that almost look like his...a cross earrings...so cool...wanna buy it...see if i got money...if yes i'll buy it...haha...after that mel kath and geok told me they had to go home....so yeah..i janet and sheila go and took money and go to the korean shop....but lee jun ki's drink...hehe...den i decided to walk home....since janet said she cant go back home late....when i reached my house i see sumbody's clothes look like geok ying;s clothes....i finally ran up den saw mel kath and geok ying with a small birthday cake with stupid candle on it....so janet and sheila were behind me...so they have lied to me twice n i dun realized it...im so pathetic...hehe....so they asked me to make a wish n i blew the candle...okay...i wrote before that the candles are stupid coz...i cant blew at one time...i must blow blow blow blow blow blow blow until so many times den they helped me to blew also...at last the fire is gone...hehe...den we went up to my house haha...yeah they went toilet n took a picture den they go home...after that...janet told me that she wanted to see my condo gym's room...so i bring her to the gym room den after that we went to the swimming pool...we walked around there den suddenly janet pushed me from behind n i finally got into the swimming pool with my beloved clothes...hehs....they are crazy ..they have made fum og me 3 times in a day....WDH!!!okay...so i got up n go back to my house n took a bath...den after sumtimes....they went back home coz its very late already abt 11...thanx to all of you....:D i really enjoyed my birthday.....okay...im going to sleep now....1 am 15 years old now....

IRRITATED

2007-02-04T05:58:00.000-08:00

yeay...my birthday is coming but i dunno why i feel so irritated and angry these days....i prefer to be outside not to be at home...i feel so lonely at home...i got no mood to study when im at home...hehe....sobs....yesterday when to bugis and i saw lots of things that i like so much....such as ...japanese stuffs,lee jun ki's magazine but very expensive from kinokuniya,gold colour bracelet,n cute earrings...feel like buying them all but no money...i mean i scared i spend money to much so i only bought 3 earrings...so tired...walk the whole day....wad else i want to say....there is so much to say...but i cant remember anything....hehe....oh yeah ...i want to lose weight...really really...want...haha....people support me okay...hehe...shirley fighty!!!i can do it....i also muz study more....i mean study hard...i want to do well....i NEED to do well....hehe....okay tts all for today i think....LEE JUN KI IS MY LOVE....i want to go to JAPAN AND KOREA

chem test???vivocity

2007-01-25T03:07:00.000-08:00

chem test was horrible..its not that i din study enough but i dun understand the whole thing...i understand but some parts are jus doesnt make sense to me....how can a salt be alkaline or acidic???dun understand....hiks...i want tutor but i think is a waste of money....n i dun think my school teacher can teach me physics very well...i dun think i get what she means...i dun think i can score well in my physics....hiks lar.....wad should i do????.....

i went to vivo today with jocelyn and ate the carl's junior...wad the hell...wad a big burger...my stomach was so full after eating it n i can hardly breathe...hehehe....but can survive ....after that i went to food republic to buy some papaya so that i can poo when i arrived at home....n i got back my english compo today....luckily i pass but not really good juz borderline...hehs....i am so scared....scared that im doing my os this year....
hehs...

mixed feelings.....

lee jun ki

2007-01-12T19:19:00.000-08:00

love love love love love love love love....i love lee jun ki so much....muackss....he's so cool...n cute...hya hya hya hhahahaha.....im crazy about him....i hope he can hav a concert in singapore...den i'll go for his concert....hahaha...jun ki oppa.....although everyone say that he looks like a girl...but its okay...i think its cool...haha...

regrets

2006-11-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

gw nonton one litre os tears tadi...sedih banget gila....g merasa sangat beruntung soalnya g sehat sehat aja gethu..!!!=D...film itu bener2 buat g menangis deras...kayak hujan aja??!!!hahaha....g bakal nonton tuh film laen kali...habis bagus banget seh...hahaha....aduh g semakin cinta ma jepang neh...pengen banget ke jepang...haha....oh yeah title g hari ini regrets...kenapa regrets??karena g telah regret sesuatu....kenapa g gk tanya gurunya why I cant go to japan??harusnya g nanya kenapa g gk dipilih...malah si jelek babi rachel....g jadi benci ma dia gara2 dia kepilih g gk...masalahnya setau g ...dia gk ada bantu apapun pas org jepangnya dateng ke sg....g ada bantu...n g juga lumayan deket ma org jepangnya..pas interview g bisa jawab pertanyaan yg dikasih...emank rada gagap seh...tapi kenapa gak g???pasti gara gara guru sialan itu...bodo amat larh....emank hari itu hari sial gw... friday the 13...udah gk kepilih trus nilai SS g jelek ...mau apalagi coba...jadi pengen marah kalo inget itu....g pengen ke jepang sama sekolah...jadi g bisa tinggal di rumah mereka....ngerasain hidup kayak org jepang walaupun cuman seminggu....its more than enough...g sekarang merasa sangat sakit hati...haha...am i too exaggerating??...tapi beneran,setelah g nonton film jepang itu ...rasa cinta g pengen pergi ke jepang bertambah....sedih neh gak bisa pergi ke jepang....kalo bisa pergi ke jepang juga pasti ikut tour...which is not so fun as this exchange programme...soalnya ikut tour...g gk bisa ketemu tmn2 yg udah g kenal pas mrk ke sg...g gk bisa tgl di rumah org jepang...g gk bisa merasakan bagaimana hidup org jepang....dan at least lebih murah kalo pergi ma skul...bisa merasakan skul di jepang...bisa dibawain bento ma org jepangnya...bisa merasakan naek kendaraan umum di jepang....kalo sama tour...udah ada bus sendiri yang nganter jalan2...tempatnya juga paling terbatas...mereka gek tau tempat murah n bawanya ke tempat itu itu aja kali....tinggalnya di hotel...hotel kan semuanya sama...bosen...kalo beda yah paling lebih mewah ato viewnya yah view jepang....mana bisa makan bento....hikshiks..sobs...kenapa seh g gk dipilih??kenapa???g pengen ketemu aika,chinami,maki,mako,moe,yui,haruka....hiks....im not even in the waiting list???how sad??how evil is this life???okay...g udah gk boleh nginget ini lagi...g harus lupain...tapi gmn??g cuma punya satu chance untuk ke jepang dengan skul dan chance itu udah ilang and kebuang dengan sia sia....coba gurunya bukan dia....g sebel sebel....g iri ngeliatin mereka dapet email dari host mereka...trus host mrk kyk looking forward banget untuk ketemu mereka.....cerita ini cerita itu...g juga pengen....why not me??why her???its so unfair!!!

LIFE IS EVIL

2006-11-04T07:31:00.000-08:00

is life just about lying??has anyone in this world never lie??I ever...maybe most of the time...n i feel guilty about it...i dun want to lie but there is no choice for me...here i am posting...feeling guilty for what i've done...not knowing of wad to do next...why this world has alot of problems??problems that i need to face...my life is becoming more and more complicated each day...i dunnoe why...is it me who r becoming more sensitive??I can smile...but its a fake smile...i enjoy today...i went cycling with my friends den i tried not hold the "holders of the bicycle"...i was very happy that i can do it...hahaha...at last i can do it...i felt like all my problems suddenly gone away....fly with the wind...I have watched princess hours till the end...it is super nice..i love it...i love the cui shanggong...the servant of the princess...she looks very educated and well-manered not like the princess very bubbly and active..haha...i do not regret watching it....thanx to my fren for lending me...hehehe...wad should i do here??nothing to do...but i cant regret for what i've done here...haiz...people know that im very bubbly n cheerful n a very happy gal...but behind those smiles and laughter...there is sumthing that hurts me a lot...I keep dreaming and dreaming...i like to daydream...hha.but my dreams are all impossible...it maybe possible but it needs a lot of hard work...it maybe impossible bcoz its just a dream n won happen if it is not ur destiny...I hope my life is better....n i hope i always make a good choice

wrong choice

2006-10-31T06:04:00.000-08:00

i should have gone back to indo rite now...but bcoz of the extra class n practises....i will stay longer in singapore....wad a boring life.???I WANT TO GO BACK!!!im feeling very stressed now...n my body is all aching ...headache too....tmr got band from 8am till 5 pm....cant beliv it!!I mean its sumthing tt i have been thru before but i feel sick of it...n why am i so broke rite now???no money!!if mum noes...she will scold me....i want to sleep but i dun have money to buy food tmr....how???wadeva....i think i shld go off now...i hope MAGIC can change my BORING N STUPID LIFE to a BETTER ONE.....I want magic

I HATE YOU

2006-10-19T20:09:00.000-07:00

my life has been very bad...dunnoe since when...but I feel so fed up.stressed.sad....I cant describe my feelings anymore...n I chose not to go to school today...first thing in the morning....I was so tired n I thought that I want to sleep some more n I think going to school also got nothing to do.....I mena I got band today but....there is sumthing that make me think that band is not fun at all....not a fun thing to go for....but why I chose band in the first place....thats the qn tt I must ask myself...I got a lot of reasons for joining band but there are a lot of reasons for me to hate band....I joined band bcoz...maybe I can learn music n sports CCA are tiring...if I joined library or those kind of stuffs.....I thought it will be boring...my first choice was band,second->angklung and third is dance....I like to dance....but I dun see any potential...n im fat too...haha...I almost quit band when I was sec2....but I dun dare to face the teacher...the teacher would scold me like a tiger.....Im scared....I hate teachers scolding me....yeah...so I din quit...by the time I am sec3....I also try to quit band....the first term....I dun go for practises....then the teacher asked me wads the reason then I said I want to quit band...thats the most thing I wanna do...but he said I cant....noone can quit a CCA....err??there is sumthing wrong wif tt statement huh???I thought everyone CAN quit a CCA...my friends can...why I cant????shit...!!!I just dun understand....so here I am still stuck in the middle of the school having band as my CCA.okay now let me tell you why I hate band.....none of my classmates is there....my SL doesnt really do her works...im no good....I cant read notes.....im lousy...den i feel bad...I cant teach my junior properly...she din get wad shes suppose to get from a senior...a good senior.not a bad senior like me....I am bad means I did nothing....I got do sumthing but she doesnt want to listen to wad I said.....so there are a lot of reasons why I hate band n why I shld just get lost from band...i am still happy if I get kicked out by band....at least im not there anymore...but I remember next year syf if i dun go for it...I will lose my CCA points....n im thinking of going to polytechnic....if I got the money....I was thinking of end my life as a secondary girl n go to raffles design....but it is expensive....I dun have enuf money to go to tt school....so the idea of ending my life as a secondary student is out....totally out....I hate it man!!!I mean my classmates are good to me..I love them a lot....but there are more things that I hate being in that school...the girl school....yeah...I want to cry...but y i cant????i want this feeling to just go away.....just fly away....it feels like its threatening me....actually I got a lot of problems tt I want to say ...but I cant...I want to go back to indo as fast as i can ..i miss my mom...a lot...my parents,my family,my frens...but i'll be going back late...bcoz of band...again....n i feel like ppl will hate me for tis coz i wont be arnd so i cant practise n if i dun practise i won be good....n i will leave my junior alone...suck....ppl will hate me or dislike me for going back indo???no way....so childish.....band it is not MY priority....it's the last one in my life....first if my family...second is my life...my life in sg...all the things that i need to do by myself...third is education....4th is fun....den there will be many many more....but band is not and NOT my priority....sorry to say that...i noe i need to be stuck in the band room until the SYF ends....that will be like 7 months more....I dunno...but its sickening....when I enter the band room...i dun feel welcome...i mean ppl welcome me....but i have no interest anymore in band....i'll be sucking to hell....pliz..help me with my bad days....I hope I can get a better life....I hope i can cry now.....I hope tose bad feelings will just be gone......I really want to cry...coz the bad feelings just keep sticking in my heart.....yeah I m sick....sick...really sick...tts why I cant go to school today....hiks....

GUESS!!

2006-10-10T04:16:00.000-07:00

guess...not that brand guess...but guess who!!who has disturbed my dream....haha...Im obssessed...so long never post...very long huh??lazy to post....haha..waste time...today physics paper1 was super sucks...even if I have studied hard enuf...I won be able to do it....it was super freaking sucks....how??I am scared for tmr...but still I haven study/....naughty rite??wadeva...geog was okay...I dunno...I wrote like dunno wad...wrote bullshit...hehs...nvm...muzt think of tmr...5 more papers to go...10 papers are done...so happy...but on thurs there are 3 papers...... crazy rite?NVM...Inoe I can do it...a little more only SHIRLEY...u can do it!!after that I can play here n there....think of diet...yeay nita we muzt go gym everyweek after the exam okay??muzt muzt...I feel like swimming...haha...want to grow taller also...they say muzt play basketball...but dunno how to play...how??forget it rite??heeee...today my hsemate is cooking tom yum for us....yummy...tom yum....she is thai but dunno how to cook but my fren also help....coz she noes how to cook...hehe...I hope tmr is a better day for me...I want to thanx all the people who already make my heart n life so happy..n lifely....esp.ANITA...my forever bestie...hahaha....want to thanx to fruit family too...for accompanying me at school....thanking all my mothers daddies nanny n aunties...in school for being part of my 'family'....big family....thanx for my lil' sista for accompanying me in band....at least band doesnt feel so bored with u there....I am a happy girl...I can say!!!but sumthing is still lacking in me....sumthing that most teenagers girls have....I think its love story....remembering the day when I came to singapore...I promised I dun wan to go into a girl school....but instead....Im stuck in this girl school where there are ppl who r unique...in a way...haha....okay...tts for today...going to eat my tom yum soon...bye bye...
muackss....

SINGAPORE IDOL->HADI!!!

2006-09-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

OMG...at last I watched singapore idol....live....at indoor stadium...hehe...so happy can.at first I thought wont be fun coz i dun really follow the trend of watching sg idol.den I was asking ppl who is better at school today....den most ppl say HADI.....den I think he is better too....hes better looking...haha...I only saw his face during malay class...teacher wasnt in sch...so we got 2 periods to do one compre....den I saw the newspaper den saw HADi's face..haha...he's quite handsome can!!haha...den when I went there juz now....n listen to his voice I love him more...haha....I cant beliv that this is the first time I went to this kind of thing...hehe....I also like RAHIMAH n NURUL...their voice like so COOL!!!haha....den my fren said tt joakim is cute so I asked my fren who was sitting beside me which one is joakim....okay den I think he is cute too!!!haha...very restless....haha...so active......okay back to HADi....when we were asked to cheer for him...den I scream n shout man.....I was like one of the fanatic there...haha...but nvm.....once in a lifetime(shinhwa song).....I love it there.....den got a lot of performances....the top 10 got to sing again den they sang the song that they chose....part of the song not the full song.....so coolios can!!!!!den I almost wanted to go to toilet but my fren told me not to....okay so I try to 'tahan'...yeah wait until the result came out....so when the result said that HADI WON.....I screamed again....a lot of times.....OMG!!!I was expecting him to be the winner also...I like his voice more compare to jonathan.....hehehehehe...im grinning....haha....this moment....I cant forget....hahaahahahaha.....thanx DOLLY for the tickets....I love you!!!!!but I still rmb I havent finished my homework....the last week one and the last last week one.....how cool...!!!!I mean how lazy I am!!!!!!!sick of this laziness can....but when I was doing the qns....n if I cant do it....I get frustrated....n keep trying to do the qns....den waste my time........RAH!!!!!!hehehe.....HADI!!!I love him....I love his smile!!!yeeeee....!!!!haha.......okay ....I think I want to sleep now....I dun care abt my homeworks lar....dun care..!!!haha.....even it is going to be my SA soon....SA2....man I want to get a one day off....so I can get things clear n I can study.....confused...hehe...

HADI RAWKSS MY WORLD!!!!yo...!!I LOVE HADI!!

the eye 2

2006-09-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

okay....it has been very long since the last time I blogged....hehe...a lot of things happened though...tts why cant blog at all...too busy..haha.....okay the hot stuff tt I want to talk abt rite now is......................................my eye degree increased...by A LOT.n even though I realise tt...I still playing comp rite now...haha...I noe my eyes are very tired liao....hiks hiks...sobs..when I told my mom abt dis she sounded so disappointed....yeah im a bad girl...bad daughter...im BAD!!!!!n i also need to study n do my homework but why am i not doing the right thing..I mean I am playing comp instead of studying or doing homework.....yeah didnt I told you that I m BAD??I want to eat a lot...eat the sakae buffet..the pork ribs at cafe cartel...eat at pizza and pasta mania...wow..I am growing fatter n fatter...haha..who cares....I got my lovely blueberry beside me liao...but her sister never approved me...hate her...haha...jokin sister....haha....I was spending money again...watched movie...HORROR MOVIE....FORBIDDEN SIREN...its not worth it btw....yucckkss....den went out with fruit family on sunday to do studying at lido but end up eating a big bowl of popcorn....haha....wad dahell!!!!den we laughed n laughed.....haha....okay maybe tts all for today...so sleepy...but cnat sleep...haven finish the hw tt is supposed to be handed in by today...haha...i am bad..see im NAUGHTY!!!!haha.....love daddies....mommies and blueberry the most.....hehe....not to forget my lil sis....who always say.."I CANT"....you noe who u are!!!

STRENGTH

2006-09-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

okay this week is holiday rite??but i got homeworks and band practices and lit class.....haven finish a singale hw...i mean who cares!!!!lit class is tmr...yeah going to meet daddy yijing at the foyer first!!!hehe....I went to hospital today...visit my mother's friend's daughter....okay I call her my new friend...she got a diseases or shld I call it a illness???I dunno...it is 'kista'...I dunno wads the meaning in english....but I can describe it....her stomach became very big like a pregnant woman and inside it like got balloon full of water n blood....euy!!!I can't imagine it...n the doctor said that the water and the blood was abt 10 litre.....WOW!!and she loses 6 or 7 kg like that...so cool sia!!!hehe...when I first see the girl...btw her name is angelica n her nickname is ica...I thought she was pregnant....but I noe the truth lar....but I was shocked too....it was big and round stomach....after the operation which was at 630pm today,the stomach became small again...I mean normal not like pregnant woman....and she was like crying becoz her stomach there very pain and she is very hungry and thirsty.....the doctor told the mother that it was miracle that the so called balloon did not explode before they reached singapore....bcoz it was super dangerous...if angelica moved a bit and the balloon explode...sumthing bad will happen to her....I mean come on ...think.....the water and blood will escape to the other parts of the body...I mean I dunno how it works but lets not think abt it coz its so disgusting....when I saw the girl cried I was touch also....it feels like I can feel the pain too....she is also strong coz the mother told me that she has never been into a hospital before except when she was 2 years old...she wasn't scared before entering the operation room...can still laugh and smile....she is strong inside and outside!!!I salute her...If i'd be her I will cry....I will panic....haha....her mother was like taking picture of her after and before the operation....haha...I also like the mother..she is a nice mother...yeah..that's abt it....tmr im going there again....yeah see her in a better condition....yeay!!!!

in dilemma

2006-09-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

my mother juz called me juz now n she told me to check out the price of the cruise...try to get the cheaper one...it's not for my family btw...it's for my uncle's family.but the impt thing she want me to noe is...I muz not spend my money on unneccesary stuffs...okay I noe that but I think I cant...let's count...she send me $3980 for 2 months and den I need to pay the guardian $2312 for monthly payment,internet and sch fee...its all for 2 months.n I'm left with $1668 den I count again...i have 2 tuition english n science n it cost me $920 for 2 mths.n im left with only $748 .n again I need to deduct $300 to change it to yen,japanese currency coz I used the yen tt my mom gave to me so I need to change it again.n im left with $448...I still need to top up my bus card,buy prepaid card and long distance card which may cost me around $130...so im left with $318 for 2 months...its for food,stationary,shopping n fun...do u think its enough...I was hoping tt I'll have extra money to buy new cellphone but NO I can't...n noe my mother expect me not to use up all the $318 for two months so that she dont need to send another $2000 for the following month....n she only got $13000 in her bank acc???thats not enough for me to finish sec4...am I going to go back indo before I finish sec4???I dun want!!!at least I finish my sec4 life here...in singapore...I dun care if I cant get the chance to further my study in singapore after sec4...but I NEED to finish my sec4 here....should i not have science tuition...coz its really expensive....it can be used for other things...I can study science by myself...if im willing to study more than anyone...during this 1 week holiday....I study study n study..maybe I can get the topics rite by myself...maybe I can seek for my friend's help...SA2 is in 1 month time...n im not studying still...why am I so lazy...what shld I do...???shld I stop my science tuition n sacrifice it so that my mother dun need to send me a lot of money here again???or shld I sacrifice the money for my own good...???wad shld I do??I dunno...if I still have tuition but im still lazy dun study by myself...I noe i'll still get very bad marks...but if I have the MORE money...I noe that I'll somehow use it n forgot abt wad my mom told me n think that I shld juz use up all the money for this month....why am I such a dumb dumb...I always do bad things...oh I feel sick of all these thinking...maybe I shld not have a science tuition ...I can ask my friends to teach me n practise more...yeah..I should do it...okay...tts my conclusion...i'll have more money n I'll give it to my guardian so tt he can keep it for me...yeah...I hope I won suffer this month....about the new handphone...maybe I shld juz forget it????but I want it...I really want new handphone...sobs...

hollow monday

2006-08-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

start of new week...feel so empty without the japanese girls....but nvm...I can go over it...school was okay...but i wasnt really into it...I got a lot of things to do but why I nvr do it fast??den I can do other things...like calling LGM??like washing my clothes??wash my shoe which I nvr wash before....SURPRISED???yeah....man..im super lazy lah..!!!last weekend...on sat I play comp den go out...den send the japanese girls back to japan..(will elaborate later) den go home very late...so decided to sleep...but on comp for awhile...den on sunday....I woke up...den I went out of my room n go to my living room den do filing...while watching tv and eating bread for breakfast...den 12am got lunch..eat lunch den play comp...was trying to update my blog but got one guy who was trying to fix the internet system asked me to restart the comp...den I din save the blog yet...haiz...so im doing now...it was long enough...sick...sick...den so boring...play here play there...(dunno wad im playin)..eat dinner den play maple until 12 pm...wuah sick huh???den sleep...din do any of the homework...

japanese girls....yeah...they went back already...so empty without them...lot of us were crying at the airport...that includes me..hehe...beliv???its like they have spent their precious 1 week in singapore...n some of them said that they want to be in singapore n dun want to go back to japan....quite sad for them actually...hh..I love them so much...the one whole week was wonderful....
monday-chinatown(super hot n I also learnt sumthing new)
tuesday-angklung(learn to play it)
wednesday-esplanade(took some pic,was a hot day,go ikea after that)
thursday-go takashimaya(got sickening ppl who disturbed the day)
friday-farewell party(some presentation,learn origami n eat->go ikea aft tt)
saturday-say goodbye at changi airport(ppl was crying n I was hoping that I could still see them when they went to the immigration)
I'll mizz u all girls...I hope i can get the chance to go to japan in Dec.....so I can see u again...

why things keep bothering me??why i got lots of things to think of???I want to get rid of them faster...so i can relax my mind...first..I need to call LGM n tell them tt my mother doesnt want to continue to become a member...second...I need to remember to wash my shoe during the weekend which means that I cant be lazy...I need to be more hardworking in everything I do...like wash clothes...third...i muz remember that I have a CCA n my CCA is band n I need to go for it coz its compulsory...but I dun feel like going...I feel like saying 'NO' when miss Sim asked whether we want to go for SYF...I dun want to go for band..but if tt time i said 'NO' ppl will look at me n..RAH...sumthing bad will happen to me...n I committed that im going to go for band every band pratices....why did I say that...I should not..I was given a choice of not going ot no to be committed...I should say that I wont be committed...haiz.....I dun want to get myself so busy...so I can relax n get ready for my SA2...which is in 1 month time...fourth..I muz remember to tell my physics tuition teacher that I want to stop having tuition....I always want to do those things very long ago..but until now I never really have done it...okay...fifth...I need to start revising for my SA2...I think I fail 2 subjects for my CA2...english and physics....my combined humans should pass coz I pass my lit....which suppose to be impossible...I think my lit teacher is too kind...haiyoo....n she said that..its not easy to fail lit...erm which I think the other way round...its easy to fail lit or its not easy to pass lit....i supposed that I fail lit...I need to work hard....really work hard....but juz now I was playing maple the whole day after school...until 8 oclock...now I need to sleep...c I din do my homework again...forget it...tmr got amaths test...n i dunno how to do it AT ALL..!!!I want to cry...feel like cutting myself...ups sorry!!im not tt kind of person okay...if im not scared of cutting myself why shld I be scared of injection..??im trying to say that since I am scared of injection...i also scared of cutting myself...so scary lah...its like no point also...make myself worse....thinking how if people see the cut...n what they gonna think abt me??am i a bad girl or sumthing...!!!haiz dun want lah...I'll pray tonight...I promised...I have not been praying since friday....okay...happy sleeping....muackss people....I wished I have abetter day n got all of my things done....

the Mon

2006-08-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

japanese girls...

2006-08-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

for the past 3 days...the japanese faces has been seen a lot of times....yeah the japanese exchange programme....and there are 3 girls from my class who are hosting them....so my class is very lucky...hehe.....their names are...aika,moe,cinami,maki,mako.yui and haruka(I dunno if I spell their name correctly)hehe....aika moe and mako are in my class so I got to noe them slightly better than the others....I also quite close to maki and cinami coz I always with them during the tour...kathlyn and giok ying are hosting them....haha...on monday we went to chinatown..it was very hot...n we went in to the chinatown heritage centre....haiz..I learnt new things there too...haha...although it was super hot day and tiring...I was very happy...coz I got to noe them more...yeah..I think the jap girls are cute n funny...hehe....they have their own characteristic...so CUTE...hehe....den on tuesday...I went to angklung for the CCA bonding or sumthing...not sure of the name...but the jap girls got the chance to learn hot to play angklung...I also learnt to play it...hehe....so we played some of the songs...i thought is was cool...hehe....den at abt 4 plus...I go home...yeah...tried to post a blog but got internet error....hehe...today in class we were taking lots of picture...but not using my camera coz i dun have one...so used other ppl one...I'll just ask from them...hehe...but I got took one using my phone it was quite clear...happy...den today I went to esplanade...it was so fun...we went around the esplanade...went to the roof and take lots of pics...then walk around the esplanade...hehe...after tt meet up at 540...den we watched temasek JC choir at esplanade...den bought ice cream Haagen Daz den go home....erm wait...go to ikea first.was trying to find sumthing for the japanese but couldnt find any...so go home reach home abt 8pm....so now im gonna take a bath first den try to think of wad to give to the japanese girls...hehe....

CA2...I fail 3 subjects....english(obviously),physics(didnt study hard) and combined humans lit and SS(I dun really care...I mean I hate these two subjects....but I still need to score also...so it wont pull down my marks...).so, see I really fail some of the subjects...although is not MOSt of my subjects...but still I fail....is there any diff???nope at all...I still fail n if Im gonna tell my mom...she will scream at me..!!erm..but i dun think so!!she will be disappointed and will give a "lecture" so that I'll study hard....yeah i need to study hard...from now....SA2 is in 1 month time...cant play...I noe..but I'll still play..im playing now...hehe...i want to express my feelings wad???haiz...

laughter of stressfulness

2006-08-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

I was just laughing all the way...I called my friends...n laugh until they could not stand it...I was not happy...nothing was supposed to be funny...im stressed...n i look like some crazy girl....a real crazy girl...who laugh without no reason...I know tt Im gonna fail most of my test...but why cant I study for my chem now...n do well for it..so it wont be worse...I cant think rite now....my amaths going to fail....my physics also...I dunno abt my lit eng n ss....its juz abt my luck...or is this a karma???bcoz I never go for band for the last two days??I skip band n it does not make any diff in my life....I shld study from long ago...but bcoz of the chalet my study mood wasnt there yet...I was still in a fun mood...im not totally blaming the chalet..partly...juz now got a tuition teacher come to my hse to teach a thai boy to prepare for his PSLE...den bcoz I laughed too much..he begged me to keep quiet...I was embarrassed...I noe tt laughing at night is not good...it is disturbing....since lots of ppl are studying....I dun want to see my marks...my mother will ask me for it....im scared tt she will scold me if she noe tt I fail .....

I THINK IM GOING TO BE CRAZY!!!SOMEONE PLIZ HELP ME!!!

this sat my school gor red cross flag day...so the sec1-3 will be going out to get donation....my class will be at woodland area there....it will be 5 hours long...ah so tiring lah....den after tt I am going to airport to see the japanese girls...n going to eat at newtown circus....yummy...eat sting ray....yummy.....okay..I think i need to study now...I'll juz read through some...den pray n sleep....good nite ppl....

suckiest week in this month....coz got CA..during CA still got homeworks...sick all the teachers who give me hw...

problems come when its not at the right time

2006-08-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

I feel so troubled now....I am facing lots of problems....I cant do anything....I feel like crying....I feel like shouting...I feel like .....I dunno wad I want to do...next week its CA2 n on monday its english paper n lit.Im not ready yet....super not ready...I failed my compulsory assignment...the compre....n lit...I din really listen to the teacher in class...I am suck...I noe tt...n Im sick of lit n english....how to study if i am facing lots of problems like now......I am not ready for CA...totally not ready....I haven study...n I feel so lonely...I feel like Im treated super badly by some of my fren...shld I still call them as my friends...???when they bully me very badly???even though they think that it is a joke.????I am sick of them.....pliz dun bully me...dun treat me badly...this is not life....if it is ...this life isnt fair at all....I gotta tell u this...this is not life....well this is not life...how can A FRIEND treat A FRIEND like abeggar or wadever is that call.????if it is can....means life its unfair...who cant agree with me???everyone want to be treated nicely pliz....n Im one of them....i want to be treated as a normal person.....I dun expect much or less....did I ever hurt ur feelings...if I ever...pliz tell me...so I can correct myself...dun juz hurt me back....how many times muz I tell u all that Im sensitive.....I feel hurt easily....DUN U UNDERSTAND ME?????

okay now at last u really leave me alone....I wasnt really expecting this....its too early to tell me tt u r going to leave me alone....why at this point of time....why cant it be any other time when its not during CA2 week....????why????why??????????maybe u shld told me earlier...so I won be so shocked or sad.....okay...but im also happy....at least u won be so stressed bcoz of band....bcoz of me keep asking u y u nvr go for band...asking u to go for band...at least I can rest now...but im lonely...I feel like quitting band...but why the teacher said that we cant quit a CCA???why??tts not possible...why my friends can quit from their CCA n I cant....wad makes me so different from them???WAD???WAD????tell me why I shld go for band other than for the CCA points???I dun make friends there....n if u ask me to makes friends there....I will tell u straight away that I cant....make friends with them....its too hard...n its too far...its too painful....

sumtimes....I wonder why I got this painful headache like for 2 seconds n the feelings gone....den will come back again...its hurting me...does it mean tt Im too stressed???does it mean tt I need a rest.??????I dunno why....maybe im juz too tired...okay...I shld be studying now....okay...let me study first.....DUN DISTURB MY LIFE....DUN EVER RUIN MY LIFE AGAIN...

bad treatment from friends ruin my life

2006-08-10T06:42:00.000-07:00

okay...lets make this clear....I am a sensitive person...u can joke!!but pliz!!dun joke too much that it can hurt my feelings...I dun like it...I feel like im an animal....wow...touchwood...pliz....dun bully me or wadever for no reason...okay??OKAY???understand???I hope it's a YES...last 3 days I went for to chalet if my friends and teacher...lots of things happened....not to me...to the people that are also in the chalet...nothing change me so much...nothing really happened to me...maybe this can be an exception.I make friend with this burmese boy...haha....he is super funny....cant stand him....hahaha....very tiring....since there is nth really special to me that happened during the chalet...I think I shld juz end my blog today...n with homework not done...Im going to sleep....hoahmm....so sleepy...n tired....my roomate always go to 10 floor to do her homework....den I feel so lonely..Im okay wif it actually....as long as she doesnt disturb me...but I think disturb her lot os times already...feel guilty u noe..!!RAH!!!so fed up now...so I shld sleep....to forget wad happened....not totally forget but cool down my mind...so wont be so stressed....hehe....I hope I can do my best for my CA2.....jia you!!!!!!

CONFUSED

2006-08-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

I dunno what had happened to my life???I am happy that I have good friends in my school...I call some of them as my parents...so I have 5 parents now...1 real parents....other 4 are just my friends...haha....Im not suppose to laugh when Im sad...I want to share my feelings with the right person...a person that doesnt know anything abt my problems...a person that is very far from me....I want to talk to u ikka...I miss u ikka...I want u back..I noe its juz impossible...but...Im longing for u...I feel so lonely although many people are standing right beside me...and many problem come....I dunno how they suddenly appear in front of my face....actually I dun want to care abt it...but it hurts my feelings....I care about all the problems....that's why Im stressed now...I shouldnt care too much...I shouldnt....I should juz froget all the problems that is not related to me...I muz concentrate more abt my own problems...n I'll not hope too much from u....I wont...becoz its impossible...u made it impossible...so I'll just pretend that its non of my bussiness anymore....I wont ever be able to be close to u...I dun care...I'll face the fact that u've made all the possibilities to be impossible....I need to concentrate on my study now...it's going to be CA2 in 1 week time...n I've not started on anything....how awful...I keep playing my comp...I should stop now...but I cant...I wnat to express my feelings....I'll have a wonderful day,I promised to myself...if not....I'll just pretend tt its my wonderful day....

"4 parents":
1-mel(wife) n jan(husband)
2-dolly(wife)n yijing(husband)
3-valerie(wife) n classandra(husband)
4-wei lin(wife) n jocelyn(husband)

n me as the daughter...hehe....I want to see them everyday...I noe that I got to see them 5days in a week but tts not enough...I keep missing them during the weekend...now I missing them like hell...my parent1 went to my hse juz now..to return my comics...hehe...they came with my aunty(janet's sista)...I love them so much....muackss...I am happy now...no one bully me...they love me...I am happy...but my life is not as happy as I want it to be...something is missing...I noe wads tt...but its impossible to get it...it's too far...its like a star in the sky...u cant take it....tired....

I am tired...............................................and.............................lonely...........

chalet

2006-07-29T23:08:00.000-07:00

-chalet organized by:my tuition teacher(ms yvonne)
-date:8 august till 10 august
-price:$15 for 3 days 2 nights-barbecue and chalet
$10 for 2 days 1 night-barbecue and chalet
$10 for barbecue only....
(bring extra money for ur lunch and dinner and for games like cycling or others...)
-people who r confirm going:all my housemates...they will bring their own friends and I will bring you too...there will be boys but there will be an adult also....you can confirm with me what kind of boys they are...hehe...
-things to do:barbecue,games,cycling or u can suggest anything in my tagboard and pliz write ur name.pliz give us suggestion on wad r food u want for the barbecue eg.sausage,chicken wings,or anything.
-purpose:to get more friends from other countries like indonesia,thailand and I think got some more...we will make you to know each other...

if u want more info u can msn me at luckysmile_shirley@hotmail.com

although there is an option of 2days 1night but we encourage you to go for the 3sayd 2nights...it will be fun...

thanx for ur support....(=p)

morning

2006-07-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

yup its still morning and noone has woke up except anita who is going for CCA.N I was thinking that Im gonna do my homework...but I think again I forgot to bring the book back...next week I got 2 tests..haiz .....geog and physics...I am lazy to study n I also need to look through band scores so I can play better .but I dun think I can get it fast if I dunno how it sounds like.....so many problem.I cant think of it now.so I decided to blog since i havent updated for l0ng ago...but my keyboaaard is suck got problem...make my typing more slower n I cant enjoy typing....hhhhh.....mayb tts all for today....bad mood de...

monday

2006-07-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

okay its monday and its a horrible day...in the morning I realized that I've taken the wrong uniform...I was using my fren's one!!!wah!!so short and the belt is so low...my friends were laughing at me lar...so uncomfortable...haiz...den lesson was so boring...I dun want talk to much today ...I jus go to the main point...I went to ACJC for physics lecture n it was super boring I cant stand it..I almost fell asleep...some students from other school slept already...haha...I dun understand a thing that the lecturer was saying...nvm...I havent gone through it before...so sleepy now...oh yeah after tt I went to taka for awhile to see that there was still food fest down there...but unfortunately its gone...cry...I wnat to eat the japanese ice cream......hikss hikss....I want eat ice cream....tts today ....I update so long...oh yeah my new roomate is sleeping in my room already..she is nice but we kinda of not talking...a bit only...maybe Im not talkative n shes not too...hmmm....tmr going to lucky plaza to buy top up card....hehe....nighty nighty nights people....

moving

2006-07-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

I have moved to 11 floor where most of us are thailand people....very quiet n calm too...but sumtimes we make noises for fun...hahaha...I am feeling sad n confused rite now...my bezfren is going to leave sg in two days for indonesia.I am so sad...coz she has been the one who is very kind and fun...but not the only one...I'll miss u Ikka...I'll go and send her off at the airport on thursday...she's lucky that I can send her off...if she goes back tmr...I cant send her off...I got band....I am also lucky...I can see her at the very last time....oh yeah...BAND...erm I dun think I can cope wif it...maybe I'll juz slack n dun go for the SYF next year...tt's wad Im planning now...but changes can happen...if I practice hard also no use...I dunno wads rite n wads wrong in band...I dunno if its flat or sharp or whatsoever...it confuse me too much....I got a headache seriously....Im thinking to take part in the japanese exchange programme coz I think it'll be fun...but I muz ask my parents first about it...it cost abt 1000 or less than tt as what my friend told me...I want but I also scared....I am not a very outgoing person....I scared I can't talk n juz keep quiet n not making friends...what should I do....many things happen in my life but I'll take it as easy as usual...let it flow like a river!!

HATE TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!!

love

2006-06-23T05:50:00.000-07:00

I want to find a guy to be loved...honestly I think I never love someone...I only ever LIKE poeple...when I was primary six I found this handsome guy.I LIKE him for 3 years...I dun think it's love bcoz I got a reason why I like him...I didnt got blind by love yet...hahaha...but it's hard for me to find a guy.or be frens with guy...I am a shy girl..that's wad I think and wad ppl say...I found a guy and he's cute...the face...haha..I only like him bcoz he got the face and yeah...but I think Im quite crazy over him...very cute...arghh!!!I want to noe more abt him...hahaha...LOVE

hmmm...when I was in indo ,lampung especially,I heard a lot of disaster that happened in indonesia...in jogja..the mount merapi and a lot of things...and in lampung,there was earthquake...actually there were...but not a big earthquake...but it kind of freaked me out...im scared that the small earthquake will turn into a bigger one...okay I noe that I'll be save if there will be one big earthquake in lampung but wad abt my parents.my siblings...my big family and my friends...they have made up 75% of my life although they are far away from me....Im scared...I juz want to pray for good...so that nothing bad will come...DISASTER

okay I noe I need to eat less and workout more but it seems it doesnt work for me..or is it just me who havent done anything...I mena...I have eat less...erm not really actually...okay it's my fault that I've not lose my weight during the holiday...although my mother has given me the treadmill...but I was lazy to run...n I ate sweet foods...but luckily I dont gain my weight....what should I do..I wnat to lose my weight..and I also was asked by my school teacher to lose my weight for health reason...hhhh...I dun want to be like this...okay...jia you!!!I can do it and I muz do it...eat less...n try not to eat candies...HEALTH

still in indo...

2006-06-13T00:19:00.000-07:00

I dunno wad to say...nothing to say...but I juz want to update....last 4 days I went to jakarta to shop and attend a wedding...yeah the shopping part was very tiring one...super tiring...walk around jakarta to look for a gown for my aunty with my mom....I met my cousin with their boyfriend and girlfriends...they look perfect...haha...I am waiting for them to get married....hahaha....n I must attend their wedding coz I have missed two of my cousin wedding...so sad...tired man...I want to watch she's the man but the DVD that I bought is kind of h***...its not smooth....haiyo...I regreted that I've bought it!!!!!!!!!hmm....hm...I dunno wad to say man....oh yeah all my friends in indo who are older by one year...they are going to junior college already....SMA babe....hahahaha...im still smal little shirley...hahaha....

hey people out there...what r u all doin????Im so bored here....n oh yeah...I remember that bad things happened in my country these few years...the current one is the one in jogja...wuah...bad life man!!!!yo gtg....huahuahua....

in indo

2006-06-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

gila akhirnya g nyampe juga indo...kangen berat man!!!yang nyebelinnya g tuh mesti lose weight 5kg...nyebelin banget gk seh..!!gak bisa makan yang enak gini mah...tapi 3hari ini seh makan g lumayan enak seh...walaupun makanan masakan mami g...g udah satisfied kok!!buahaha...g mau makan bandeng presto..its so nice!!so yummy!!hmmm...selama 3 hari ini g maen doank seh..ada kerja pr cuma 3 nomor doank abis gk isa...belon kemana mana g!!!paling maen badminton d rumah!!temen g pada ada exam seh jadi yah gk bisa maen...hahahaha!!!!sebenarnya g dah mau update neh blog dari kapan kapan...tapi internet d rmh g kan lembon en gk banget gethu deh...jadi g mesti ke warnet dolo baru bisa maen sePUAS-PUASNYA...hahaha!!!g juga kangen neh ma temen2 di sg...arghh...rada boring seh disini...gk ada yang bisa diajak maen badminton bneran...kalo ada juga pasti ada angin yang membawa tuh shuttle cock pergi dari hadapan...SEBEL!!!RAH!!!

I am feeling sad becoz ur sick!!ur far away from my sight...far away from my side!!!I cant believe it!!I tried to beliv it so many times...but failed!!!

I want to learn a lot of things in indo...I promised that time!!I want to learn a lil bit abt cooking from my mom...I also want to learn abt medicine..how to take care someone who is sick...isnt it useful!!hahaha....I love my mom!!hahaha....actually I want to learn a lot of things but within 20 days what can I expect???I dunno...I hope I learn a lot of things here...now I think I gtg...nothing to say...but sista I miss u..I hope u can bare with the pain!!!hope u will get better soon!!luv ya!!!

missing you..

2006-05-30T05:32:00.000-07:00

today I went to school for maths olympiad..it was hard...but I just did it for fun..and it was like I am the only sec3 girl that wen for it...hahaha....after that I met up with my hsemate at tiong bahru and walked around den wait for my other friends...I ate quite a lot at tiong...haha...spend too much money...after that ikka,maureen,rebecca and me went back home...and I ate again...little only.den play my computer...I saw my guppy online so I chat-ed with her...we talked and she always be the stubborn girl...she is sick but doesnt want to tell her mom tt she is sick...haiyoo...NAUGHTY GUPPY!!!while im playing my comp.my hsemates were packing their stuffs...moving....yeah...some are moving hse.like me...some are changing room...arghh...I gonna miss this place...I have spent 3 years living here...and it leaves me with a lot of sweet memories...THAT I CAN'T FORGET...NEVER...I am sad actually...that I have to move...but I wnat new environment...yeah..I think my homestay is still the bez of other homestay...big rooms,every room has its own toilet,got swimming pool,gym and etc...AND its near orchard.u can juz walk for 5 mins...haha...so its not hard for me to shop everyday...but I dun do that actually...no money...hahaha...den at 3oclock my frens remind me that we need to go to adam air to take the ticket...the place is at john litle orchard..so we walked there and get the tickets...we waited for 30 mins...very long actually...den we decided to eat AGAIN at es teler77...but we remembered one place that has nicer foods and drinks...so we went to resto surabaya at lucky plaza...we ate bandeng presto and mie lontong...we drank melon selasi and orange juice..it felt like home...the sambal its so nice...yummy...along the journey I was messaging this little naughty stubborn girl...my guppy...hahahaha...Im gonna miss her a lot...she also gonna miss me..muahahaha...wadeva shirley...shes very stubborn....RAH.cant stand her stubborness man!!!she is very nice lar...and I think shes weak and scared...I dunno why.but I juz think so!!guppy u muz be open!!!I feel like treating her like my little sister...I want to have a small sista..will I treat her badly if shes really my sister?I think yeah...haha...I already treat her QUITE badly.!!!haha...after I ate at lucky plaza den I went around the takashimaya and Isetan....yeah wah so tired now...

GUPPY IM GONNA MISS U!!!HAHAHAHA....I'll try to renew the water in the tank...if Im not there I'll ask sumone to renew for me and she/he must clean the tank and renew the water until very clean so u will live happily in the tank....MASTER LOVES YOU...muahaha

the purple in my heart blooms everyday.....

earthquakes????

2006-05-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

why this happened to my country??it sound so scary!!so many natural disasters has happened in my country since I came to singapore...I am concerned about this bcoz my parents, my brothers,my cousins, my friends and all the ppl I now are there in Indonesia...but what can I do???I can do nothing...I dun want to think about this.it gives me headache...I need to think about other important stuffs...